Serenity, Grace, Purity, Love, Flow, Gratitude, Peace, Surrender, Joy..........
Are these words familiar to you? I mean in the sense that you use them, feel them, embody them?
If you saw my last Blog you will know how important words are to me at soul level and how I use them in my shamanic practices for the healing of self, Mother Earth, for all living beings.
Each morning I say a daily thanksgiving of the Onondaga Nation, Haudenosaunee people, given to me by a dear friend a few years ago. Mostly I will go down to the stream and stand before the altar I created in a tree. Some mornings I call out with vigour, the words of the thanksgiving catching in the wind, the leaves and taken by the flow of the stream. Other mornings, my voice is quiet, sometimes a whisper - either way, the ceremony often brings tears as I connect with the words again.
They of 'Greetings and Thanks', to all living beings, to Mother Earth, to the Universe.
A pretty wonderful way to start a day!
My dog Barley will often come and sit with me, trying hard not to bark for attention and stick throwing games; she too feels into the vibration of the ceremony and relaxes as she nuzzles into me when the words are complete.
The ceremony gracefully leads me into a shamanic journey, my way of grounding myself to Mother Earth, listening to the wisdoms of my spirit guides, the elements, the unseen beings all connecting me to my Divinity. I take the messages I receive with me into my day, a word will drop in to help me bring love into all that I say, think and do.
Today's word was Gratitude.
Why gratitude? Well, I have been dancing with the unknown in many different ways throughout this year, as we all have, and too with my own personal unknowns. In particular with the discomfort I have been feeling in my left breast, which I spoke of in my previous Blog.
Over the two weeks I waited for my referral to the Breast Clinic, I had mostly calm, focused, bliss full days. I had great pleasure from the practices I was doing daily, feeling connected to nature, my family, my friends and sisterhood. There were a couple of days I woke feeling anxious and tearful, so I cried into my husbands arms and spoke what ever needed to be spoken.
I was very conscious of the words and language I had swimming around in my brain. I censored nothing. All the words were valid and important in my processing what I was experiencing. I know words are powerful, so I chose to radiate love as much as I was able, and, I also allowed 'death' and 'cancer' to be thought and spoken. In speaking them I dissipated my fear, I did not hold onto them as my reality.
I actually felt very calm when I considered the possibility of having cancer and dying from it. I said to my husband "If this is my time to go, it's OK. I don't want to die, but if now is my time, so be it".
I could say the words with no fear and no tears; there was no body reaction.
I had a beautiful conversation with one of my writing sisters, she enabled me to explore the emotions attached to the energy of my breast. I realised that there had been a number of significant moments which had triggered old wounding in recent weeks. When I spoke the words describing the wounding my tears flowed, I felt my body response, I felt my energy suddenly release and flow from my heart centre. I became aware that there are still deeper layers for me to explore and heal. The wounding I felt in my body, my breast, was ancestral, of the collective, probably past life too.
I have had my appointment at the Breast Clinic. I refused the 3d mammogram, even though there was a moment when my mind was questioning my choice. I had an examination and then the consultant did an ultrasound scan.
All normal.
My breast is perfectly healthy.
I felt a great sense of relief, of gratitude and of joy.
I was finally ready to really listen to what my breast has been calling me to pay attention to for a year.
Our breast's are about nourishing and nourishment.
They are in our heart centre, our heart chakra space. The central issue of our heart chakra is love and relationship. The element is air, the colour is pink or green, the shadow is grief.
What does this tell me? I have some idea, some insight, some wisdom.
And, I realise that I have more to discover.
I am excited and curious to dive into this wisdom my breast has gifted to me. I am starting gently, slowly, noticing, breathing. Just like the uterine fibroid offered me a pathway to learning and healing, so too is my breast.
I am now ready to take a deep breath and allow myself to drop out of my mind and into my soul to step onto a new pathway, a new initiation being led by my breasts.
This feels wonderfully different. For the last 8 years I have been led by my womb! This is not to say that I will stop paying attention to my womb, how could I? My womb is my centre of creativity, the core of my cyclical nature. I have a strong, beautiful relationship with my womb, one in which there is space and welcome to dancing now too with my breast wisdom.
In conversation with a dear shamanic soul sister this evening, I said to her
"I just wasn't able to intuit whether I had breast cancer or not"
She said "No, of course you couldn't, if it was that easy we wouldn't hear the message we're being called to hear"
This made such sense to me. If I had been able to know for sure my breast was healthy I may well have missed the calling to peel back more layers and go diving in new waters. I would not have had the rich conversations I've had with loved ones, I would not have brought nourishing practices into my daily life, I would not have been reminded of the potency and power of self belief, of reaching out to others and of the beauty of becoming who I am.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath and ask my soul 'what word shall I take into my dreams tonight?'
'Passion' drops in. So be it.
Do you have a 'word' practice that helps you?
How about starting with a single word a day, or a week, whatever feels good for you. To begin with, choose a word which resonates for you, feel it's vibration in your body, notice how when you fill every cell with the essence of your chosen word you begin to feel more deeply connected to your soul. Notice how you move through your day while keeping your word ever present in your soul.
Let the word drop out of your mind and into your soul.
You may like to start a journal and write down any differences you notice as you begin and continue this daily practice.
Wishing you so much love each and every day.