Am I enough?
Since my last post I have been in a place of inner reflection. It has been difficult to focus on anything, my mood has swung from joy at being out in the sunshine and working and playing on the land to feeling full of anxiety, rage and confusion. I have not wanted to make the space for 'doing', not had the creative flow or the inspiration to give attention to my writing or my FB groups Spirals of Wellbeing and Menopause Wisdom. I have struggled to find any words to share with the women I hold space for. The busyness of my 'doing' has been falling away, and with that my sense of 'being enough' in the eyes of others.
'Am I enough?' is the question I have been sitting with and challenged by! It has felt deeply uncomfortable to go to my shadow place of 'not being enough'. But, what I have spent years learning, is that to go to those edges of discomfort and take the leap into the messy, muddled, misty landscape is the place in which clarity reveals it's self. It is also the landscape in which we can find courage and strength in our vulnerability. As soon as I connect with my vulnerability, I find my courage, when I find my courage I am able to reach out. In reaching out I am held, heard, supported and feel my belonging.
I know for myself, the sense of belonging has become increasingly difficult to connect with during these past weeks and undeniably contributed to my feeling of not being enough. And so, it has come as no surprise to me that as soon as I have reached out, as soon as I connected to my vulnerability and expressed those feelings to my sisterhood, I re-connected to my courage, to my creativity. I feel again, the thread of love that weaves us all together and creates the beautiful web of belonging.
I feel so strongly now is the time for us all to be courageous; to step away from our live's of illusion, from the false reality we have been told is all important. Which of us will firmly close the door on the things we now know do not serve us. Who of us will say 'no' to returning to the 'normal' that served so few and harmed so many; say 'no' to the distracting behaviours, to the oppressive demands from the systems, structures and anti social society designed to control us.
How many of us will follow the Song of our Soul awakened through the spaciousness of 'being' replacing constant 'doing'. Who amongst us will be thrilled by the time we can choose to make for creativity, to connect with others, to hear the voice of our children, our partners our friends and family.
Who of us is willing to sit with the discomfort of not knowing ourselves in order to unravel, shed old skins, shake off false beliefs so that we can re-emerge unblinkered, untethered, undone, ready to shape and form a new paradigm of kindness, community, love and of belonging together on beautiful Mother Earth.